The Weekly Poem: Ten Things I’m Thinking About You When You Diagonally Park Your Porsche Cayenne Turbo Across Two Spaces In The Whole Foods Parking Lot

#1
Your Slice of the World

Isn’t Whole Foods about responsible consumption?
Look at your insufferable, Porsche-sized presumption.

#2
Inspiration

We shop at the same store, I like to discern:
Maybe one day, I, too, will have money to burn.

#3
Irony

You change lanes, make left turns, and things that’re tougher -
But when you’re parked, you insist on a double-space buffer.

#4
Flawed understanding

Let’s be real: my things couldn’t sell for ten bucks at a yard sale.
But were I rich as you, my Porsche-parking objections might pale.

#5
Which came first, the Porsche or your attitude?

Did you buy a Porsche because you’re the big fish in town?
Or – chicken or the egg? – is it the other way around?

#6
Ostentation

Even at the grocery store, you know you’re on view.
When you got a Porsche, did the world become a showroom for you?

#7
Extra stress

When your car costs a hundred grand, you must always attend it.
Someone might steal it, scratch it, or God forbid, dent it.

#8
No fair

Your entitlement is obvious: you get two parking spaces instead of just one.
What do you get next? Tax cuts? Free condiments? Traveling for fun?

#9
Car cretins

Do you really think this parking lot is such a buffoon bin
That if someone parks next to you, your car will be ruined?

#10
The future

What happens (I’m imagining parking lot fisticuffs)
When you park on two mall spaces, the Saturday before Christmas?

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Tags: Christmas, humor, mall parking, modern entitlement, parking, poetry, Porsche Cayenne, satire, Whole Foods